LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG: User Manual and Guide
by Mitsuki Horenake
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! You are now the proud owner of a LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG manual! To make sure that you do not suffer from any pain or ruined reputation, we included this manual just for you...


**I just realized that we have a small lack of Germany manuals. NOT ANYMORE! New management, really!**

**/=+=/**

**LUDWIG KALTHERZIG: User Guide and Manual**

**CONGRATULATIONS!** You have just purchased your very own LUDWIG KALTHERZIG unit! This manual was created in order to allow you, the owner, to unlock your unit's full potentials, and it is advised that you read this pamphlet thoroughly before attempting to operate your LUDWIG KALTHERZIG unit, as mistreatment may result in the end of the world. No, seriously. The metal box isn't going to help you if you mishandle your unit.

**Technical Specifications:**

Name: Ludwig Kaltherzieg. Will respond to "Germany", "West", "Ludwig Beilschmidt", "Doitsu", and any teasing words a FELICIANO VARGAS or a LOVINO VARGAS calls him.

Age: 20 _(estimate)_

Place of Manufacture: Berlin, Germany

Height: 5'11"

Weight: 180 lbs. Don't be fooled. All of that is pure muscle.

Length: Piss him off and you might get hit in the head with it!

**Your LUDWIG KALTHERZIG unit comes with the following:**

Two (2) green Luffwaffe SS uniforms

One (1) Iron Cross

One (1) Whip _(worn due to the testers using it)_

One (1) set of 10 lb weights

One (1) training uniform

**Programming**

Your LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG unit is equipped with the following traits:

Politician: Actually, "ambassador" is a better title, but we don't really trust our units leaving the country of opening. Due to him being a hard worker, he will always get work down no matter what and will make him a rather popular in the political community. Before you start asking, no, he's a native German, so he can't run for president. Stop calling and asking.

Housewife: We couldn't find a better title for it. Due to his OCD, your unit will find himself cleaning any mess that you would make, especially spills in the kitchen. Leave him alone and you might find him cleaning the house, sweeping the podium until it is sparkling clean. If you're lucky, you might just catch him making sweets. He'll give you some if you promise never to tell ANYONE about it, though. If he ends up wearing a dress, then you have some serious issues.

Workout Trainer: Seriously. He has some of the harshest workouts out there, resulting in a great and healthy body. Ask and you can join in, though you may end up being extremely sore and unable to move for the next month. We put in the 10 lb weights for a reason, and he isn't it.

Sex Worker: ...don't ask us how we found that out. Just don't. Fortunately, this program can be sealed by a simple asking, or if you're underage and too young to know what this is.

**Removal of your LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG from Packaging**

Don't let the metal box scare you. This is purely for safety reasons in terms of the unit, not for you. He is a morning person, meaning that it is near impossible to get him to go into a locked mode, unless you're aiming to do that, in which case why would you do that, you horrible, horrible person? Anyway, here are some safe ways to open the box.

1. If you're just looking for a simple, easy way to open the box, all you have to do is knock on the box and introduce you in a formal manner. He will wake up and introduce himself, and in that time it will be safe to remove him from the box.

2. You don't even have to do anything. All you have to do is let a FELICIANO VARGAS unit cry for help in the same building as the box. LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG will punch out of the box and go rescue the unit. Before you start asking, yes, he can punch through the metal box. The metal box is there to cut down the amount of wooden shrapnel that comes from the other units. Be aware that this may traumatize any MATTHEW WILLAMS units that are nearby.

3. Pour beer on the lid. LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG will claw his way out of the box and will be very embarrassed for doing so. If you go through this route of awakening, do not keep any GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT units nearby. He may either rant about how you wasted a perfectly good beer, or be very impressed by the fact that the unit got out of a metal box with his fingernails. You'd probably be too.

4. **[PROCEED WITH CAUTION]** Watch a documentary about the Nazi regime within listening distance. The unit will either burst out of the box and declare that this wasn't him anymore, or he'll burst out into _Nazi_ mode. The former response is more common, but in case of the latter, scroll down to **Frequently Asked Questions**.

**Reprogramming**

After successfully awakening your unit, you can decide to change the setting of your LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG unit to any of the following.

_Workaholic_

_Training_

_Kinky_

_Dere-Dere_

_"Nazi"_ _(Locked)_

_? (Locked)_

The LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG unit is defaulted into his _Workaholic_ mode. This is the default trait when awakened correctly. He will constantly be behind a desk or trying to negotiate anything between your other units, with failed results. This is a good thing because he can easily break up long disputes and keep the peace in your house. However, he does not really socialize during this time due to him being terrible at making friends. A FELICIANO VARGAS unit will successfully be able to get him out of this mode, but only with time.

The _Training_ mode might as well be his ultimate secret. Hey, those abs don't come out of nowhere! This usually comes between bouts of _Workaholic_, whenever he gets bored. He will go into his training uniform and start exercising, from lifting weights to running around the neighborhood. A KIKU HONDA and FELICIANO VARGAS unit will be forced to come along during these times, though with some nagging on both parts you can get other units into the training as well. This is great torture for a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unit if you're annoyed with him, or a good place to go find a MATTHEW WILLIAMS unit if you can't find him.

Getting the _Kinky_ mode is one of the hardest things to do. We're still not sure about how to get it specifically, but when you do get him into the mood, he will be vastly different than before. He will start using innuendos, walk around shirtless, and may want to play with sex toys. During these times, you could push him into being a sex worker. However, the _Kinky_ mode won't last as long as normal, and anything he has done in this mode will be immediately regretted. He might end up seducing a FELICIANO VARGAS unit, or a FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit might take advantage of this. If you're into that, well, good luck finding the _Kinky_ mode.

_Dere-Dere_ mode is one of the more fun modes. He can be knocked into this one if left alone with a FELCIANO VARGAS unit or having a personal moment with GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT. In this mode, he will be prone to blushing, smile more often, and may even be open for a hug or two. If you are wishing to put your LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG unit through any relationship, the best way to do so is through _Dere-Dere_ mode. Unfortunately, he has very little relationship experience, and any type of teasing from any unit will push him right out of _Dere-Dere_ mode. See it more as a window of opportunity than a mode.

You're probably wondering what the _"Nazi"_ mode is. Well, this is basically the mode of Nazi Germany right into the unit. It will be at risk of activating if you are non-Aryan _(blond haired, blue eyed, white individual)_, and the exact method of activating after the one listed above is not known. The reason why it's in quotes is because it's not really a true _Nazi _moment. He's Nazi material, but he will be extremely camp, coming out in a ray of sparkles and talking in a very high-pitch. ALFRED F. JONES will try and fight him in a hero mode, and the result is usually one of the most over-the-top crazy things you have ever seen. He won't actually start using racist slurs, but he will attempt to. He's not that horrible in this mode, and can be knocked out of it with any Allied nations unit in the area. Except FRANCIS BONNEFOIS and YAO WANG.

The _?_ mode is one of the more questioning modes that here still have no comprehension of. In this mode, he is very clingy on a FELICIANO VARGAS unit, saying to join him in his empire, and will be vastly a child in this mode. He will only snap out of it if FELICIANO VARGAS realizes what he is acting like, but will snap out before he says the name out loud. If anyone else says it, he won't get out of it.

**Relationships with Other Units**

Know that LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG is a very professional unit, so any unit that is not listed here will be treated with professional respect in his eyes. Any women units will have a hard time talking to him, due to him having a hard time talking to women.

FELICIANO VARGAS: These units are the bestest best friends in all the world~! In all serious, FELICIANO VARGAS will stay with your LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG unit for the majority of his time, and despite all the complaints, LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG does really enjoy his company. This is one of the few unit relationships that can happen naturally, without any input from you. If you want to see if there are at least some feelings there, get LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG into _Kinky_ mode and have him walk around in an unbuttoned shirt. If FELCIANO VARGAS blushes in his presence, you officially have a working relationship going on. Just be wary that the minute they get into a relationship, it will be a household holiday for any other unit there.

KIKU HONDA: Another close friend of LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG, their relationship is professional and friendly. They will tend to talk about another antic of FELICIANO VARGAS, and most of the time, they will be the peace keepers of your house. If you can, you could push a relationship on the both of them, but it will be with a lot of pushing. In fact, you have to actively work to make this relationship work. Other than that, they are best friends. KIKU HONDA will try to give LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG relationship advice if he ever gets into a relationship with FELICIANO VARGAS.

GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT: LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG'S older brother, they get along like bread and butter. He will not admit that he believes everything GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT has told him as a child, but he does, take my word for it. They are drinking and workout buddies, and if you watch them, you see how similar to each other they are. It's rather shocking if you didn't read the material. Other than that, they are brothers through and through. However, if LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG is in _"Nazi"_ mode, GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT will leave him.

RODERICH EDELSTEIN: Their relationship is purely professional, but it's more interesting to note on how dependant RODERICH EDELSTEIN is to LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG. If LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG ever gets sick, care must go to RODERICH EDELSTEIN immediately, due to him having a high fever. They are capable of a relationship, but like KIKU HONDA, you will have to work for it in order for them to stay together.

**Cleaning**

LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG, like all other Germans, are known to be very neat and clean. As a result, he will clean himself frequently and sometimes upon request. He usually bathes alone, but a FELICIANO VARGAS unit will be allowed to shower with him.

**Feeding**

He'll eat just about anything, though he prefers German and Italian food. If you ask why he likes Italian food, he'll just say that he likes the culture. If you ask this question in front of a FELICIANO VARGAS, he will not answer. Keep nagging and he will punch you.

**Rest**

LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG sleeps eight hours a day, from 10 at night to 5 in the morning. If he sleeps later, he will wake up exactly eight hours afterward. It's so routine, you can plan around it.

**Frequently Asked Questions**

Q: I poured beer into the box, and now he's acting like a Nazi! HELP ME!

A: It's fine, he's only in _"Nazi"_ mode. He's not a true Nazi, due to the failsafes in the programming to make sure that he doesn't go over the top. Bring in an Allied Forces unit and he will snap back to normal. However, don't bring in FRANCIS BONNEFOIS alone. Just don't.

Q: OK, I finally got LUDWIG KALTHERZIEG to be a sex worker. Now what?

A: First of all, congratulations. Second, enjoy the month. He's going to retire afterwards once he snaps back into _Workaholic_ mode and he'll cry a bit for being in this. Don't worry. After a year, you can snap him back into it.

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: My unit is acting a stoic and scary! He keeps calling forth the Aryan race and is calling death to all minorities! Not only that, but he already declared war on everyone for the sake of his boss. He already beat up my FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit and I think he's eying me! Is this his _"Nazi"_ mode or what?

Answer: Oh good lord. You got Nazi!Germany instead of your regular unit. Unlike the other units, the failsafes that make _"Nazi"_ a locked mode is not there. So yes, you are now living with a true Nazi. If you're an Aryan, you're going to be fine. If not, stop reading this pamphlet, call the Help line, and make sure that Nazi!Germany never leaves the house. Whatever you do, do not stay in a sealed room or anything small, as he will be prone to start gassing. Stay behind an IVAN BRAGINSKI unit for true safety.

**End Notes**

Thank you for reading this pamphlet. I hope you are now ready to take care of your LUDWIG KALTHERZEIG unit. Play your cards right and he will take care of you.


End file.
